Why Cant I just Be Me

So you say you want to see anger
What this accomplishes I do not know
Oh you want me to be sad now do you
How far would you like me to go

I'm so tired of all of this judgment I get
Of how I am supposed to react
Maybe if you had to live my life
you would learn the real true facts

That you cannot just be who they want you to be
You have to learn to just be who you are
Your that person that had their life destroyed
Your that person that has been pushed to far

How strong do you think that you could be
if you had to live the life that  I live?
Could you stand to be judged on top of it all
Could you really have that much to give?

Well maybe just maybe I am not that strong
When the pain takes my life away
The tears that I get that build up inside
When my grand daughter wants me to play

Just those simple things that I used to do
That I wish I could still do hurts so bad
Thinking of the life and love that I used to know
And all the happy times that I used to have

There gone for me now and I have built a wall
So high so you cannot see whats inside
Its all I have that protects me now
And I refuse to give up that right

That right to see who I have become
Because of this misery and all of this  pain
Just picture if you live in a world like mine
A world dark and where it always rains

Think of those days when its gray outside
And all you can wish for is the sun
But the rain just keeps on coming down
And you feel like your the only one

The only one left in this dark and cold place
And you don't know how to make it change
Because you do not have that power inside yourself
To bring brightness out of that gray

With your broken body that defines who you are
The one that you fight to keep alive
And you know that you'll live the rest of your life
in this pain and sorrow till you die

So still do you question why you cant get in
And make me who you want me to be?
Well I really don't care if it bothers you anymore
I just have to learn how to be me

Its the only thing that is keeping me alive
I keep on living by hiding my fears
Of what will happen to me one of these days
That day I run out of my tears

So I try to use them very sparingly
When I'm alone and by myself
So you cant see how much pain it is
I have to put them up on a shelf

A shelf so high that only I can reach
That is hidden very deep inside of me
I have to keep them away from those I can hurt
Because if they get away then everyone will see

That in truth I am not this strong person they want
But I am so very empty and weak
They will find I cant be who they want me to be
And it could be the end of me

So please just let me be who I am
And accept me for who I am inside
because unfortunately on that January day
I had to learn to live a new life

I need to me to survive, and each day I may change
But I am just me............. that's all. I am me and I am still here,
and to me that is an accomplishment.