Why when I finally figure out how to live with this, does it just get worse?

So the last couple days have not been so good. For some reason I have this new pain that is drving me insane. It starts at both hips and the sacral area of the spine, and starts throbbing all the way down both legs. It has been waking me up at around 6am every morning (where as I usually sleep till around 9am), same thing just throbbing and throbbing. I sat in the bath tub for around 2 hours after taking pain meds and muscle relaxers before it calmed down. It has completely exhausted me.

Hubby is making my appt, to start acupuncture, so hopefully that will help. Its getting really old though when you finally think you have a hand on things and then all of the sudden there are new things. Yesterday I had an appt. with a nerve damage rehab specialist, and she says not only does she think I have Cauda Equina Syndrome, but that the nerves at the S1 and S2 level have been damaged directly as well. I am afraid of how far  this can go, and how much worse it can get. I just dont know. All I know is that when I have days like this, that is what brings back my depression in full force. Its like the pain just sucks everything out of you till there is nothing left, yet you have to go on because that is what life is about. I am just hoping my insurance will cover the acupuncture, not sure on that one yet. I am so tired of waking up in tears every morning lately from pain, please something make this new pain stop!!!!! I am strong, but how strong do I have to be?

I wish I knew what this new pain is all about. The nerve specialist told me that the foot spasms are directly related to damage to the sacrum nerves and not the cauda equina nerves. So the diagnosis is just getting worse. She was not able to tell me if it will continue to get worse or not, but just basically that is what is happening. I will be scheduling a new MRI also to see if they can see anything that is going on with all this new stuff. Hopefully it is something they can stop from further damage. I would imagine though if there is something they could do, it would involve surgery, which would be my worst fear of all.

On a positive note, my new grand baby is still in mommy's tummy, and if she makes it full term and comes on her due date, well lets just say we will have something new to be thankful for every year :) Her due date is thanksgiving :)